It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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