You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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