Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The uberlube is also flammable
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
