I hope mine doesn't look like that
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
