I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
