just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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