He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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