I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
