when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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