he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
