so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
