it's too hot outside to masturbate.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
