so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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