she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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