Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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