i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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