He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
