He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
someone owes me an orgasm
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
