Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
