last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
