and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
