Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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