I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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