He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
