Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
