i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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