He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
too bad you live with your parents still
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
