Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
