how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
