the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
