Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
