I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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