morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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