Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
