i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
