You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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