She said her name was "party"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
