i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
