my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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