margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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