I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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