I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
