I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
