she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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