DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
