I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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