Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
