____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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