Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
