I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
