I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
