Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
