everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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