You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
